So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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