I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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