I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
