I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
