Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
