you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
