Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
