so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
