Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I forget how to act sober
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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