it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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