I'm really into asian looking animals
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
