My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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