She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
