well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
