No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
