i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
