note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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