Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
