look no pants
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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