its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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