Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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