Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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