Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
