Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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