Don't you send me to vm
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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