Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
