She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
