I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
