I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
