Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You don't make any sense
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