Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
