you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
