just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
