I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
