my mouth tastes like poor choices
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
