you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
