big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
