Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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