You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would ride that face into the sunset
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
