Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
