Who wears a wallet chain?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
