looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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