Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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