tell your sister to shave her snatch
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
