Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
