my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
