Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
