the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
