Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
