i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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