i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
