I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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