i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
