I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
