You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
