you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Terrible idea I love it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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